“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV)
You’ve been a good girl your whole life. You waited your turn, asked nicely, and made sure everyone else was taken care of first. You checked with your husband before making plans and ran decisions past your parents even after you had kids of your own. You looked around the room to see if anyone minded before you spoke up.
Somewhere along the way, you started believing you needed permission to live. Not permission to do big, scandalous things, but permission to want things, to take up space, to say no without explaining yourself into the ground. Permission to spend money on yourself without justifying every dollar, to have opinions that differ from your family’s, to rest without earning it first.
Here’s what I need you to hear: Nobody’s coming to give you that permission. Not your husband, not your kids, not your mother or your pastor or your best friend. They’re not withholding it because they’re cruel—they’re just living their own lives, and they’ve gotten used to you asking. They’ve gotten comfortable with you waiting. They’ve gotten comfortable with you putting their wants/needs/desires above your own.
But the waiting has cost you.
The Permission Trap
Most of us don’t even realize we’re doing it. We frame it differently in our heads and call it being considerate… being flexible… being a team player who doesn’t rock the boat. We tell ourselves we’re keeping the peace and being Christ-like.
If you’re honest with yourself though, you know the difference between genuine consideration and the bone-deep belief that your wants don’t count unless someone else approves them first. You can feel it in your body when you’re about to do something for yourself—that tightness in your chest, that voice asking what they’ll think, that impulse to explain and justify before anyone even questions you.
That’s not wisdom. That’s a lifetime of training that taught you to shrink.
What the Bible Actually Says
Let’s get something straight: God didn’t create you to spend your entire life waiting for human approval. When Paul wrote to Timothy, he was addressing a young leader who was likely battling self-doubt and intimidation. The remedy? Remember what God gave you—not fear, not insecurity, not a need for constant validation, but power, love, and a sound mind.
This isn’t just for church leaders. This is for every woman who’s been taught that her thoughts don’t count unless someone else validates them first, for every woman who’s been trained to wait and ask and defer automatically.
You have a sound mind. That means you’re capable of making decisions about your own life—good ones. We’re called to submit to authority and to love others and consider their needs, but nowhere in Scripture does God say to make yourself so small that you disappear or to wait for every human around you to approve before you move.
Look at the women in the Bible who actually did something. Esther didn’t wait for permission to approach the king, and Ruth didn’t wait for permission to follow Naomi or to go to the threshing floor. The woman with the issue of blood didn’t wait for permission to touch Jesus’ robe, and Mary didn’t wait for permission to break that expensive perfume. They moved, they acted, they trusted their sound minds and the Spirit’s leading even when it made other people uncomfortable.
When There’s No One Left to Ask
I know this struggle intimately because I lived it just a few days ago. God had laid This Sacred Season on my heart—this ministry, this mission to write for women like us who are rebuilding after everything changes. The call was clear, but I kept waiting for someone to say it out loud: “You can start writing now.”
And then I realized there was no one here to give me that permission. My kids are grown with their own kids now. I left a suddenly abusive marriage over a decade ago and I don’t have a partner. Both my parents passed away a few years ago. I took early retirement after 2020. There was literally no one standing there waiting to approve my next move.
So I sat with this dream God gave me, feeling like I needed someone’s blessing to begin. But who? My grown children navigating their own lives? My parents who are with Jesus? A husband who’s no longer in the picture? The boss I no longer have?
A few days ago, it hit me: I’m free. Completely, terrifyingly free to just start. And even though I didn’t feel ready… even though the permission I’d been waiting for never materialized… even though my plans weren’t complete… even though I’m scared to lay myself bare in front of strangers on the internet… I picked up my pen and started writing.
Starting Small
So what do you do when you’ve spent 40-plus years operating like you need permission for everything?
You start small and you start honest.
You make a decision without asking your husband’s opinion first—not about selling the house, but about where to go for lunch or what time you’re meeting your friend or whether you’re going to that church event you don’t want to attend. You buy something you want without justifying it, not a car but a book or a plant or a candle that costs more than $5.
You say no without explaining, because “I can’t make it” is a complete sentence and you don’t owe anyone a detailed breakdown of why you’re not available.
You have an opinion that differs from your family’s and you don’t apologize for it. You don’t need to argue or convince—you just let your yes be yes and your no be no.
Here’s what’s going to happen: People will be surprised, some will be uncomfortable, and a few might even be upset. Let them. Their discomfort is not your emergency, and their adjustment period is not your responsibility to manage. You’ve spent decades managing everyone else’s comfort at the expense of your own existence, and that stops now.
When It Feels Selfish
I know what you’re thinking — this sounds selfish… this sounds unsubmissive… this sounds like the world’s message instead of God’s.
But answer this: Is it selfish to believe God when He says you have a sound mind? Is it unsubmissive to steward your own life instead of handing the reins to everyone else? Is it worldly to take up the space God created YOU to occupy?
Selfishness is believing your needs trump everyone else’s, but that’s not what we’re talking about. We’re talking about believing your needs matter at all, that you’re allowed to have preferences, that your time, energy, and resources have value even when they’re not being poured into someone else.
You’re not responsible for being everyone’s permission-giver or the Holy Spirit for your entire household. You’re not the mediator between God and every person in your life. You’re a woman with a sound mind, created in God’s image, responsible for stewarding your one life well. That’s not selfish—that’s obedience.
Living Without Permission
What would change if you really believed you didn’t need permission? You’d stop rehearsing conversations in your head, preparing your defense before anyone even asks. You’d stop feeling guilty for wanting things and waiting for someone to tell you it’s okay to rest, to play, to spend, to say no, to take up space.
You’d move through your life with the confidence of someone who actually believes she has a sound mind—not arrogant, not bulldozing, just present and decisive and clear. You’d realize that most of the permissions you’ve been waiting for were never coming anyway, not because people are withholding them but because they’re not theirs to give.
God already gave you permission to live, to really live instead of shrinking into the smallest, quietest version of yourself and calling that holiness. So stop waiting, stop asking, stop justifying. You have a sound mind, so use it.
Maybe you’re like me and the people you used to ask aren’t there anymore. Maybe they’ve moved on or passed on or walked away. Maybe you’re staring at an empty nest or a changed life and realizing there’s no permission-giver left in sight.
All that quiet? That’s your life waiting for you to claim it. Pick up your pen. Start that business. Take that class. Book that trip. Say what you think. Do the thing God’s been whispering to your heart for months or years.
You don’t need to feel ready. You just need to start.
Reflect and Review
- Where in your life are you still waiting for permission, from whom, and what would it look like to move forward without it?
- What decision have you been putting off because you’re waiting for someone else to approve, and what’s one small step you could take this week without asking first?
- How do you feel in your body when you’re about to do something for yourself without “checking” with someone else first, and what is that feeling trying to tell you?
- Read 2 Timothy 1:7 again and ask yourself if you genuinely believe God gave you a sound mind. If not, what’s blocking that belief?
- What would change in your daily life if you really believed you didn’t need permission to live?
Father, forgive me for living like I need human permission to be who You created me to be. You gave me power, love, and a sound mind.
Please help me believe that and move through my life with confidence, not because I'm sure of myself but because I'm sure of You. Give me courage to make decisions, to take up space, to stop shrinking. Teach me the difference between consideration and erasure, and show me how to steward my life well without waiting for approval I'll never get.
We pray this trusting and believing in You. Amen.
Glossary
Sound Mind – The Greek word here is sophronismos, meaning self-discipline, self-control, or sensible thinking. It’s not just mental health but the ability to think clearly and make wise decisions without being controlled by fear or other people’s opinions.
Timidity – Not just shyness, but a spirit of fear that causes us to hold back, second-guess ourselves, and defer to others even when we’re capable of deciding for ourselves.
Stewardship – Managing and taking responsibility for what God has entrusted to us, including our time, energy, gifts, and our own lives.
Submit – Often misunderstood as “obey without question,” biblical submission is actually about order and mutual respect rather than one person erasing themselves to please another.
Permission – Approval or consent from an authority figure. We’re discussing the false belief that we need human approval for things God has already equipped and authorized us to do.
Shrinking – Making yourself smaller, quieter, and less visible than God created you to be, usually to keep others comfortable or to avoid conflict.
